


I lost a friend

by NerdyHalfling



Series: Smol Naddpod Things [12]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Erlin is sad, M/M, Matt the supportive roommate is back, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyHalfling/pseuds/NerdyHalfling
Summary: Beverly thinks Erlin is jealous of his success. Erlin means it when he says that’s not the case.Just a sad Beverlin fic inspired by the song I Lost a Friend by Finneas O'Connell
Relationships: Erlin Kindleaf/Beverly Toegold V
Series: Smol Naddpod Things [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826578
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	I lost a friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Noah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noah/gifts).



Beverly wasn’t always a famous rockstar, and Erlin wasn’t always the bitter ex-boyfriend. There was a time before all that when they were the best friends each other had. They met before either of them can really remember. Long before Beverly ever touched a guitar he was singing karaoke with Erlin in his room, and long before Erlin wrote his first song he felt things for Beverly that he couldn’t put into words. 

Boys who sang karaoke at the top of their lungs at some point turned into boys whose hearts fell out of rhythm when their fingers accidentally brushed against each other, then boys whose hearts fell into rhythm with each other as their lips met in a soft and tender moment.

Best friends who played video games after school turned into boyfriends who created music together with matching guitars. For Erlin this was the height of his musical experience. The songs he wrote existed for the two of them and Bev was the only audience he really needed. For Bev it was a sweet change of pace from band practice with Moonshine and Hardwon, then it turned into an extension of band practice. The carefree playing turned into “do you think this will resonate with people?” and “I’m thinking of switching up my guitar solo, what do you think of this?” And Erlin didn’t mind that Beverly was focused on the band, but with them living in different cities now a part of him wanted the moments they did have together to not be about anyone else. He knew the band was important to Beverly though, and he knew things sometimes have to change, so he gave Bev the feedback he wanted, and politely turned down offers Bev made to help him go places with his music too. 

That’s the thing. Beverly never seemed to grasp that Erlin didn’t want the adoring fans and potential fame and that he couldn’t quite relate to how important it was to Beverly. Not to say Erlin wasn’t supportive. He came to as many shows as he could, cheered Bev on, and pretended to believe Bev when he assured him that he’d have more time for them later, they just had to put the band first right now. He even loved seeing Bev on stage, seeing how his boyfriend was practically glowing when he performed. He wanted Bev to be happy, and the band made Bev happy. He just wanted to be happy too. 

He can’t pinpoint when the fighting began, when Beverly first responded to Erlin’s request that he focus on them more with an accusation of jealousy. It happened though, and although they talked about it and Bev apologized, Erlin’s pretty sure he never really believed it wasn’t about jealousy. He can’t pinpoint when it happened, but at some point boyfriends who played guitar together in a small dorm room turned into Erlin sitting in on band practice when he traveled to visit Bev. Soft tender silences where their fingers laced together turned into a wordless pit where they both kept their hands to themselves. Cute text messages were suddenly met by silence and Erlin knew in his heart this wasn’t temporary. 

It wasn’t like Beverly was cruel. Maybe it would have been easier if he was, but that wasn’t the case. Beverly was still Beverly, and he still loved Erlin, he just let himself get caught up in everything else that was going on. With the band doing well and his new friends always being up to something it was all too easy to forget to make time for Erlin. It had been easier before, because Beverly hadn’t always been in a band, and being close with Erlin hadn’t always required work. 

Band practice in Moonshine and Hardwon’s apartment turned into shows at the student pub, turned into studio time and an album, turned into  _ the Paralegals _ becoming a really successful band. Shady pub gigs turned into sold-out concert venues and at some point, Erlin felt less like Bev’s boyfriend and more like collateral damage. 

The breakup was inevitable. It was a quiet affair. Bev cried, which was frustrating because it was the first real sign that he cared that Erlin had seen in months. Erlin cried too, but later, on the plane home while trying to shape his feelings into words in his notebook. 

_ The Paralegals _ ’ climb to fame didn’t stop there of course soon they were on the radio and whenever it came on someone would turn to Erlin, in the beginning, to ask “hey isn’t that your boyfriend’s band?” then with a pitying look and then, as time dragged on, to joke about how he had to regret letting him go. Erlin didn’t have it in him to explain that he’d never let Bev go, by the time they broke up he’d lost his boyfriend and best friend long ago. 

His roommates were a blessing. Matt in particular seemed to always know the right things to say, but even the calm and gentle assurances that it would all fall into place with time couldn’t pick him some nights. Like that night when Erlin was just getting some tea in the kitchen area while Matt and Luke had some friends over and the radio function on whoever’s Spotify account hadn’t gotten the memo that  _ The Paralegals  _ was still a sore subject in these parts. Erlin recognized the intro two beats in and he was halfway across the room by the time Bev’s voice rang through it. His mug was still empty on the counter, the water ready but still in the kettle. The door to his room closed behind him a second or so before either Luke or Matt switched the song. Matt coming in with his tea to check on him and assuring him that he’d be alright couldn’t change how very not alright he was at the moment. 

Beverly seemed to be doing just fine though, judging by the way he seemed to be everywhere. Sometimes Erlin couldn’t resist clicking the interviews that showed up on his timeline, or playing the songs when he was alone, and the Bev he saw was bright and cheerful. No songs about lost love or breakups came from the band, and a part of Erlin was disappointed, but then he supposed Bev was too busy with his dream coming true to be heartbroken. 

Erlin was not too busy to be heartbroken. Even with school being as hectic as ever he found the time to be consumed by it, but Matt was right. It did get better. Nights spent alone in his room turned into nights hanging out with Matt and Luke, and that variation of friends they invited over, or to going camping with Derlin and Cran. Notebooks full of songs for Bev turned into notebooks full of songs about Bev, which might seem insignificant, but the subtle difference meant everything. When Erlin started writing Bev had been the only audience he needed, and the songs he wrote right after the breakup were songs he imagined Bev would hear one day. He pictured sending them to him, serenading him, sometimes he even fantasized about fame so his words could haunt Bev back. Writing to Bev had turned into writing to himself. When he was curled up on the sofa with his notebook the red pen formed words he didn’t care if Bev ever knew about, and when Matt looked up from his homework and asked if he’d ever get to read any of his lyrics Erlin smiled. 

“Yeah, you might,” he said and turned the page. 

Two boys playing matching guitars together in a dorm room had turned into Erlin writing music for himself, with his roommate coexisting peacefully on the sofa with him, in a peaceful togetherness that required nothing but existing from either of them, and that felt a bit like healing. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I thrive on validation, so comments are greatly appreciated <3


End file.
